I think I'll just be me

Since my divorce was finalized in March, I've heard the same thing from several people: that I'm "too nice." The advice I keep getting is that I need to be more assertive, more "manly." I’m told to stop being the "nice guy," take control, and become more dominant. Apparently, in today's society, I’m considered what’s known as a "beta male."

But what does being a "beta male" even mean? According to the definition, a beta male is often seen as someone who's easygoing, patient, caring, and sensitive. Beta males might not be the loudest voice in the room or the first to take charge, but they’re often considered kind, thoughtful, and supportive—qualities that I value and embody.

On the other hand, people suggest I should adopt the traits of an "alpha male," someone who is dominant, assertive, and takes charge in relationships. An alpha male is confident, a natural leader who makes decisions decisively and is seen as the primary authority in the relationship. They’re expected to take control, exude confidence, and sometimes even dominate conversations and situations.

Here’s the thing—aren’t women supposed to want a beta male? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told by society to be polite, to be a gentleman, to share my feelings, to show that I care. I was taught to avoid raising my voice, never to be physically aggressive, and to be in touch with my emotions. I was told that these are the qualities women want in a partner.

But now, I’m being told that my natural tendencies—being caring, patient, and kind—are somehow wrong or insufficient. I’ve held back many times, biting my tongue instead of standing firm in my convictions. And when I do try to assert myself, I’m told I’m being harsh or mean, or that I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. That feedback makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m not being sensitive enough to the other person’s feelings.

So, I’m left wondering—how can I be an alpha male when deep down, I know that it’s not who I am? Why am I expected to act in a way that feels inauthentic to me? I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not just to fit some societal expectation of what a man should be.

I just don’t understand why I can’t be myself. Why is it a problem to be loving, caring, calm, and collected? How are those traits a bad thing? If someone doesn’t like me for who I am, why even be in my life?

To be honest, I think the issue might be that women—at least some of them—are unsure of what they truly want. Maybe they need to figure that out before expecting men to change into something they’re not. After all, we should all strive to be authentic, not to mold ourselves into an ideal that doesn’t fit.

 

What happened to love?

It's a serious question. What happened to being with someone because you love them?  When did we put terms with who we could love? It used to be that if that person made you happy, that's all that mattered.  It didn't make a difference what you looked like, or where you lived, or how much money you made. All that mattered is that your person was all you needed, just them, the way they were. The real person, not some made up fictional character. Things have become so twisted today; everyone has a list of what the person must have to qualify for their love. Money in the bank, the big house, the expensive car, being able to cook, clean, and raise children.  When you really sit there and think about it none of that shit really matters. Sure, they can make life a little easier or leisure time more enjoyable, but do those things really matter? Or does the way your person holds you, kisses you, and makes you feel whole matter more? When you get married it basically spells it out for you. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. People who can find that true love are the richest people in the world. Because nothing else matters.

We need to get back to true love and not make a mockery of it. From time to time, you will argue and be mad at each other, but those are only small moments in a vast lifetime. When you find that person you will know, and it’s a feeling you will never want to let go of.

Just keep trying, I guess

 I just want to give up sometimes.  I mean why do I keep trying?  Every time I think I get ahead, I get knocked down again.  Why Do I always ask how others are doing yet no one will ask me? I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you!

Well....

 Do you ever just feel defeated?  Like you have tried everything, done all the right things and yet, still feel beat down?  Why do we keep trying? What do we have to prove?  Well tomorrow is another day, I will just have get up and keep trying to make it.

Really?

It amazes me how people will say hurtful things, but they want to have good intentions behind them.  All they do is deepen the wound and make it hurt more. So what if you're not perfect. Are they?

Sometime I wonder if I made the right decisions in my life.  Most people I know are happy and glad that they are doing what they are doing.  I find myself pondering a lot of questions.  I wonder if I will ever get to experience any of that?

Testing 1 2 3 is this thing on?

Well i was wrong, Back in radio

Hard Workin' Man!

So today I got a job that I only dreamed about. Bill Young Productions is one of the places I have always wanted to work. It's one of, if not the best, production house in the country. I am excited but also nervous!

People, The smartest dumb animal.

Ok so let me get this straight. We used to have glass bottles, jars, containers, syringes, glasses, and many other things that escape my mind at the moment. Then some jackass invented plastic. All of a sudden everything is made with plastic. It was thought to be the answer to all. No broken glass milk jugs, safer glasses, and everything became disposable. Now fast forward to the present. Everywhere you go you are being told that we need to recycle. Reason, because we are using too much PLASTIC! So you take these plastics to a recycling center and then what? Nothing, that's it. You have done your duty. How many of us remember doing the same thing with glass milk and soda bottles and actually getting money back for it? It was called a deposit. And if you were a kid like me you would save enough to eventually buy a piece of gum or something. Now if ask me, if you want everyone to recycle, bring back the deposits, or hell at least give us gift cards for free music downloads or something. If you do I can guarantee everyone will begin to recycle.

It's been a while

I have not written I here for a good while now. I may start again. I have to admit I am on facebook more than ever but I miss writing here. Stay tuned, and don't change that channel.

DEMO

UH

YEAH THE NEW JOB DIDN'T LAST LONG. I'M ON THE HUNT AGAIN.

New Job

Well I started a new job today. And it's weird. I got let go October 2008 and this is the first real job offer I have gotten so I had to take it. Not working for so long and then going back to work in a field I know nothing about is almost going to give me a heart attack. I guess we will have to see.

Alex Gaudino Feat. Crystal Waters Destination Calabria[HIGH QUALITY]

[via FoxyTunes / Guadino]

ITS Snowing in Houston

Time for a change

Well it took 12 years but it finally happened. It seems that economy caught up with me and I am now a statistic. I became one of the many newly unemployed. Now I could say that I am angry, worried, maybe even a little distraught, but the funny thing is I am not. I don't know why I just do. Maybe it's because I worked at the same company since I was 18. I have been going to the same place for over 12 years and getting my paychecks every 2 weeks. I can honestly say that I will and do miss it but as I sat in front of the TV today thumbing through the classifieds I found my mind wondering. Not about the place but about the people. How so and so doing with her cold,and is whats his face going to be ok with the extra work load. Believe it or not I began to feel guilty about being let go. I know I will be ok, I have been through worse times than this. But what I guess I miss the most is the people that became my extended family. When I moved here I had no one, I moved to a strange city with no family and no friends. People took me in as a brother, friend, uncle and so on. I went to their homes for Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Years. Now I know just because I don't work there anymore that I have sever my connection to them, but it's just strange not seeing them everyday. That's what I'm going to miss the most. My friends, my family.

Recovery

Well 2 weeks ago I had my surgery and I really underestimated how it would go. I guess to keep me from freaking out the doc told me it was a routine procedure and that he has done hundreds. He said that the success rate was very high and that it would all be ok. Now that was all true and I am recovering nicely but he forgot to mention the massive pain! When I was rolled out of the O.R. I awoke to the sounds of the nurse saying "Mr. Sang wake up, you're all done" My eyes slowly opened, I could see the florescent lights glaring down at me. I could here the heart and breathing monitor beeping. For a split second all was right in the world, the drugs kept me in a floating sea of bliss. That great feeling that you have when you are half asleep and half awake. I thought to myself "well this isn't so bad." And I drifted off again.
Now to me that felt like it took a few hours, in reality it was only a few minutes. Once again I heard the voice "Mr. Sang cmon dear wake up, you're all done." Now this time the delightful floating sea of bliss had turned into the hurricane of pain. I guess my pain meds had worn off and my brain finally woke up. The best way to describe it is that it feels like your guts are getting ripped out. Oh wait, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED! I started cussing (a lot). MOTHER FUCKER THIS HURTS. Again the sweet voice "Mr. Sang calm down we'll get you some pain medication soon. Can you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10?" Now remember I have had organs removed from my body. "12 BITCH! OH FUCK THIS SUCKS!" Now my mom is a nurse and she has told me stories of people coming out of O.R. wild and unruly and until now I could not really understand why. Without missing a beat the nurse says "Okay Hun just relax and let the medicine work, I am giving you Morphine and Dilotted." I remember yelling "HURRY THE FUCK UP!" She touched my forehead and said "It's okay just relax your wife is on the way" and then the floating sea of bliss returned. I dosed off into that twilight between sleep and consciousness. I remember my wife coming in and telling it all went well, after that it was all a blur till the next day.

Not I have to admit I feel bad for yelling and cussing out the nurses. Like I said my mom is a nurse and trust me when I tell you that they are just doing their job. Even though I cussed her out she never raised her voice or got angry. She kept her sweet voice and told me it would be okay. Funny thing is I cannot remember what she looked like. So to the faceless angel that endured my onslaught a heartfelt apology and thank you.

I go for my follow up tomorrow. Hopefully I will get the staples removed from my abdomen and I will be cleared to move around some more. Cross your fingers.

Things

Ok so about 2 weeks ago my wife had to take me to the emergency room, I was in agony. I had severe abdominal pain and could barely walk. Well after being there the whole night they finally sent me home with some drugs and a diagnosis of Diverticulitis. After a follow up with my Doctor it looks like I am going to have surgery.

While laying on the couch in pain I realized that there are things I now have to accept.

1. I am no longer 19 and I cannot do certain things anymore
2. Pain means there is something wrong!
3. I have to let things go and concentrate on getting well
4. Not everyone is a dumb ass
5. Do what the Doctors say
6. Cut myself and the people around me some slack
7. People are people, let them be.


Now I know this list will grow but the pain meds have kicked in and I can't think of any. Hopefully when I have this surgery I will be able to have my life back.

Airline baggage fees hit soldier flying out of El Paso for training

After adding all the extra equipment - boots, foul weather gear, uniforms and the like - required for training before he deploys to Iraq, Staff Sgt. Ashley Serrano had filled three bags. That was one more than American Airlines was willing to let fly without an extra baggage charge of $100.
Many airlines, faced with the rising price of jet fuel and other costs, have instituted luggage fees. And now military officials are having to re-evaluate policy as soldiers, many of whom are at the lower pay grades, are faced with significant charges to haul equipment that is required by their jobs.
Serrano said he was confronted Friday at the El Paso International Airport with a demand for $100 for his third bag, and when he mentioned he was headed for Camp Bowie - where Texas Army National Guard soldiers train before deployment - he said they told him, without a smile, that the Army should have given him a voucher. Serrano's fellow soldier and traveling companion had three extra bags and was charged $300, he said.
"I have flown Southwest, Continental, and when they saw me in uniform, they didn't even ask," Serrano said. "I flew American a couple of times before, but I never had this problem."
American Airlines' baggage policy allows service members one checked 100-pound duffel-type bag, one standard checked 50-pound suitcase and one standard carry-on suitcase of up to 40 pounds, "for a total of 190 pounds of free luggage," said airline spokesman Tim Wagner, in an e-mail. Wagner said the policy has been in effect for at least five years.
Since June 15, civilian passengers pay a $15, one-way fee for the first checked bag, a $25 fee for the second checked bag, and $100 each for the third, fourth and fifth bags, according to the American Airlines policy. Other fees are charged for additional luggage and overweight and oversized bags. Service members are allowed larger and heavier bags, according to the policy.
"I am not aware of any ability by our agents to waive an excess baggage fee, even for military personnel - since they already have the common checked bag fees waived in our policy," Wagner said. "Otherwise, our policy is very generous as you can see, and intentionally so. We're very proud of our military forces - and many of our employees began their flying careers with the military - so we're pleased to be able to help."
Wagner offered to look into the case if the soldier thought the policy wasn't properly applied.
"You couldn't fit it all into two (checked) bags if you tried," Serrano said.
In the past, troops carrying equipment needed for their specialized jobs would get authorization for payment of excess baggage fees that would be included in their orders, said Col. Bill Meehan, spokesman for the Texas Army and Air National Guard.
"We have had over 15,000 deployments in the past five years," Meehan said, "and this is the first time I've heard about it."
Meehan said national guard soldiers carry the same equipment as deploying active-duty soldiers. He said Serrano can go back to the unit and request reimbursement. But it wasn't clear Tuesday whether that kind of request would be granted, Meehan said, adding that Texas military forces officials are looking at the reimbursement policy in light of airline policy changes.
Fort Bliss officials also said they were looking at their policies regarding baggage of deploying soldiers.
"We are making sure orders are clear about what they carry and what they don't," said post spokeswoman Jean Offutt. "We are looking to see if they can be reimbursed and whether orders can be amended" allowing reimbursement after the trip.
Serrano, with Charlie Company, 949th Forward Support Battalion out of Grand Prairie, Texas, lives in El Paso. He served a tour of duty in Kuwait in 2004 and is one of about 3,000 guard soldiers training at Camp Bowie for deployment. Serrano expects to deploy from Fort Stewart, Ga., to Iraq "within the next two months."
Chris Roberts may be reached at chrisr@elpasotimes.com; 546-6136.