Now c'mon you know you have to smoke one!

This brand is for the ladies!

All I can say is....

Well I feel a bit saucey. A bit how shall we say.....


BORED OUTTA MY SKULL!!!

Seriously!

Ok anybody here have any medical problems? Huh? Seems like I have them all this year and it's REALLY pissing me off! Crap now I know why my parents used to say "Wait till you get older!"

Damn it!

I felt better when I drank and smoked!!

UH Hello

Test 123.

Uh right about now I am feeling very nostalgic.

So we will ROCK with ZZ TOP!

Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65

NO GAS...On May 15th 2007

Don't pump gas on may 15th. In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.


On May 15th 2007, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in
protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most
places.


There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet
network, and the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.


If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take
$2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companys pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

Uh ok

Now I know I have not been here in bit so bear with me. Have farted and thought you crapped your pants? You have like an hours drive home and the whole way you think you've crapped your jeans only to realize that you hadn't. hmm strange.

OH NOOOO!!

Woo Hoo Son!

I wish my Cock was that BIG!

I iz a College Stoodent

I'm Still Around

Still here. Anybody out there?

Place an X by the ones you have done

(x) Smoked a cigarette
( x ) Drank so much you threw up
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ...
( ) Been arrested
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( x ) Seen someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( x ) Been to Florida
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( x ) Been lost
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( x ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( x ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) Laughed until liquid came out of the other end
( x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
( ) Danced in the rain
( x ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( x ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a party
( x ) Gone roller-skating
( ) Ice-skating
1. Any nicknames? Papi Chulo
2. Mother's name? Esther
3. What is your favorite drink? coke
4. Tattoos? nope
5. Body piercing? none
6. How much do you love your job? It pays the bills
7. Birthplace: El PAso
8. Favorite vacation spot? LA
9. Ever been to Africa ? Nope
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yep
11. Ever been on TV ? Yes
12. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yes
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. Was it your fault? No
15. 4 Doors ? N/A
16. Salad dressing? Ranch
17. Favorite Pie? Cherry
18. Favorite number? 13
19. Favorite Movie? Star Wars
20. Favorite Holiday ? XXXmas
21. Favorite alcoholic drink? Brandy
22. Favorite Food? Chinese
23. Favorite day of the week? Payday
24. Favorite brand of body soap? Soap?
25. Favorite TV show? The Simpsons
26. Favorite toothpaste? No Teeth
27. What do you do to relax? ha ha you know
28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? 10 years older
29. What do you do when you are bored? ha ha you know
30. Furthest place you will send this message? New York
31. Who will respond the fastest? ?
32. Who is least likely to respond? jojo

Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn &remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!



1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.


4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AINT REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!


12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.


15. Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M or Texas Tech.
They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.


16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.


17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States,
but the United States can't make it without Texas."

GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!

You Are Superman

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. And pretty cute too. No wonder you're the most popular superhero ever!

What Superhero Are You?

You can buy and Xbox, Tv, Dvd's and other electronic gizmos but nothing beats a good ole' fashioned ballon.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE. It should be psych, but who’s counting?

2. You watched the Pound Puppies. Uh no. I ran over pound puppies on my bmx

3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton.(SO???)

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy. (I loved biker shorts on chicks oh man that rocked!!)

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. (I wanted to nail the baby sitter club)

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. (Holy shit chicks remember this kinda crap...)

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom (blossom was cute but her chick friend was hotter!!)

8. Two words: Hammer Pants ( two words Christina Applegate)

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock" (The dozers were oppressed slaves!!!!)

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect. ( holy crap this must be a “white thang” we had mis matched handle bars and no brakes)

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (this person lived a sheltered life!)

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. (now that I agree with)

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. (that and biker shorts were hot boner city.....)

14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names. (I THOUGHT THEY WERE GAY)

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
(WE HAD NO COMPUTERS WE WUZ PO.....)

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. ( AND I TRIED TO LOOK UP IT)

17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) (GAY)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. ( YOU PEOPLE HAD MONEY)

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more? (YES PUKE)

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.) (JESUS SHOOT ME NOW)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books. (READ?)

22. You know the profound meaning of " WAX ON , WAX OFF" (AHH MASTERBATION)

23. You wanted to be a Goonie. (CHUNK ROCKED THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE AND THAT CHEERLEADER WAS CUT AS HELL!)

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (SLUTS WORE THAT SHIT)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. ( HE WAS BLACK THE RIGHT)

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. (A BLUE GANG BANG IN FULL EFFECT. I THINK THEY WERE A CULT)

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard. (NO WE HAD STATE SPONSERED LUNCH AND SHOP LIFTED THE GARBAGE PALE KIDS)

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. (OH GOD I HATED THOSE THANGS)

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. (NUH UH)
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band. (TRY METALLICA SLAYER AND SEPULTURA

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
I have the power! ( HE MAN WAS GAY)

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. (IF I OFFED ANY OF MY FRIEBDS A BRACELETS I WOULD GET MY ASS KICKED!)

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (GOD CHICKS WORE DUMBASS CRAP)

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?" PEE WEE ROCKED THE WANGER AT AN ADULT THEATER)

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up" (HA HA DUMB OLD BITCH)

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. (SKATING RINK?)

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. (WE COULDN’T AFFORD ONE SO WE USED HEFTY TRASH BAGS)
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.(WHAT THE HELL IS A SKIP IT?)

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds. (NOPE WE HAD THEM AT THE PARK CUZ ITZ FREE)

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement. (BITE ME)

42. You remember Popples. ( I REMEMBER POPPERS)

43. Don't worry, be happy (BE HAPPY YOU HAD FOOD AND A BED FOR THE NIGHT!)

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks. (WE SHARED SOX THANKS FOR THAT CHILDHOOD MEMORY)

45. You wore socks scrunched down ( AAAAARGH)

46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. ( OH GHETTO FABULOS)

47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies. (PHOBE CATES WAS HOT...)

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales ( NO I REALLY DON’T)

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. (OH HELL YEAH SAM RULED MY WET DREAMS)

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. ( I KILL ME)

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...(MEGA GAY)

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class. ( I REMEMBER SHOWGIRLS)

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. (NOPE BUT MY SISTER DOES)
55. You just sang those words to yourself. (GET A LIFE!!!)

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better) ( I AGREE WITH THIS ONE FOR CHICKS)

58. You remember when mullets were cool! Or the rat tail! those were really cool! (HEY HEY)
59. You had a mullet! (BET YOUR ASS I DID, I ROCKED THE MULLET)

60. You still sing "We are the World" (NO!!)

61. You tight rolled your jeans. (NEVER)

62. You owned a bannana clip.(I USED TO WRAPE THE WANG IN IT!!!!!!!)

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?" (I GOT THE BEEF)

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it. ( I LOVED CHICKS WITH BIG HAIR, I STILL THINK THAT’S SEXY)

66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you! (OH HELL NO, NEVER EVER!)

Based on my childhood friends life!

Whew!

Ok we dodged this one, I hope. Stranger things have happened but I think it's safe to say that Ernesto is going to Disney.

I have an itch and I will now scratch!

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

If this storm is to turn into anything, some pretty big changes will have to occur, and fast. Quick movement of the storm will bring it into a zone of wind shear (winds that oppose its circulation) this weekend. If that happens, the game is over, and all residents along the Gulf Coast will breathe a sigh of relief. On the other hand, if the storm slows its forward speed, the upper-level low and related wind shear in front of it will have time to back westward and stay out of the way. This would provide an environment suitable for a maturing hurricane. The high to the north is significant for two reasons. First, it will establish upper air venting which is a requirement for tropical development. The outflow in the highest levels of the storm will pull everything together at lower levels, something like a monster vacuum cleaner. Second, as the high shifts east it will open a path for the storm toward the Gulf Coast.

Story by AccuWeather.com Expert Senior Meteorologist John Kocet.

ERRR!?

uhhh OOOO

WELL I FEEL LIKE A TREE. COME FEEL MY BRANCHES!

You Were an Eagle

You are able to rise above the details of life and see the big picture. A spiritual being, you tend to go beyond material concerns.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

You Are Bart Simpson

Very misunderstood, most people just dismiss you as "trouble." Little do they know that you're wise and well accomplished beyond your years. You will be remembered for: starring in your own TV show and saving the town from a comet Your life philosophy: "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

The Simpsons Personality Test

Gas Saving

WITH FUEL COST ON THE RISE AMERICANS ARE LOOKING TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO HELP WITH ALTERNATIVE FUEL DEVELOPMENT.

Can we keep the cute Kittens?! Can We Huh?!

NOW THIS IS SAD

HERE I AM BUYING SOME TUNES FROM ITUNES AND I REALIZED THAT I AM BUYING MUSIC FROM MY TEENAGE YEARS. ONLY ONE NEW TUNE FROM MY OLD SCHOOL CHUMS BAND SPARTA. HOLY CRAP AM I FINALLY BECOMING MY FATHER? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, I NEED BEER, YAGER, AND TEQUILA NOW!!!
OH WAIT I AM GETTING A PROSTATE EXAM TOMORROW. NEVERMIND NO BOOZE FOR 24 HRS.

The River of Life

Some say the river of life is golden. I say I just peed in there and think I have some sort of infection or something. HA HA. I NEED SOME CREAM!! OH THE BURNING!

Today Sucked

My workout blew dead goats today. I just wasn't into it, plus my head was starting to hurt. I pushed through it anyway. I saw a documentary earlier in the week about a guy that weighed over 700lbs. Sadly he died in a hospital bed not able to move because of his weight. I don't want to end up like that so I pushed myself today. I sometimes just want to say f*ck it and go eat a large pizza, but I know I can't. Not till I loose another 50 lbs anyway.

Ok I think I'm BAck

Well I have not posted in awhile, just got busy with life. Since my last posting I weight 278lbs. Well I finally realized that I needed to lose weight. So I got a nutritionist and I began exercising. I now weigh 257lbs and counting. So I will try and start posing again as soon as possible. Peace Out .

SOME COOL PICS I TOOK

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Nemesis
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Global Personality Test Results

Stability (80%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.. Orderliness (73%) high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (40%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

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Ok update

Well I started this weight loss thang and i was doing really well until we had a death in the family. As always I let that interfere with my diet and workouts. I am the kinda guy that likes to have a schedule and when the schedule is interupted I give up. Now I have not given up totally yet but another event really screwed me up. After the funeral and all the family had gottn on thier planes ans returned home my wife any stopped by wendys on the way home. I got a cheesburger, now this was my cheat burger for the week, and we went home. That night I woke up at 3 and had a let's say an episode. Well went back to bed and woke up at 5 to go work out. After being up for about ten minutes it started. Evacuations of both ends! It lasted all damn day!

ARGG when will I get a break?

It's been a while

Ok I have been away for a little bit but I hope to get back to posting daily.

D'OH

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish .But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

You Are 76% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out! Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand. You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting. You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

LENT

Today marks the beginning of lent. The time of year when we as Catholics give up something until Easter. In the past I have given up candy, gum, certain foods and other things. This year I didn't give up anything. My wife is giving up soda, some of my friends are giving up coffee especially from starbucks. Time and time again people asked me what I was giving up. Well I answered I already gave it up. I gave up smoking on new years eve. I have been smoke free ever since. Now do you think I should still give something up? Ya know quitting smoking with no help like the patch or nicotine gum was a bitch trust me.

EARTH!


which chinese symbol are you?
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Ha HA!

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got
the airbag!"

Joke 2
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"

CHINESE SICK LEAVE -- "I NOT COME WORK TODAY!

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come to work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.

BACK TO IT

Ok so I have been sick for awhile and I seem to be over it. The doc said it's ok to resume my workouts even though I an still on antibiotics. So tonight I plan to start working out again.

Then again I may sit home eat Cheetos and watch porn!

HA HAAA!

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a beer or two. So he asked the pet, "Would you like to go to Sam's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Sam's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

I KNEW IT!

As soon as I got my workouts in line, my diets was going good, and I was really getting pumped. I went and got SICK!! ARRg this is so frustrating. I got sick over the Christmas holidays and I thought that was it. I usually get sick only once a year. I started to feel it on Saturday and Sunday it really nailed me. So I have a call in to the diggy diggy dox to see if he can call something in for me. My boss is sick too, I guess we caught it here.

Star at the cross in the middle and see what happens!

Respect my authoriti

Which South Park kid are you most like? Cartman You are just plain evil and heartless. Though you're sly, and you come up with brilliant schemes, you're pretty dumb and close minded. Other people hate you... screw them!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Sounds like my family

An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see you recovering", he says. The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?" He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure."
"In fact," he goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl". The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names."
At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is an idiot! What name did he give my little girl?" The doctor answered that her name was Denise. "Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew".

Working on it!

Ok just 6 freakin' years ago I was 190lbs. Now I weight 278lbs. Anybody else think that maybe it's time I get my ass to the gym? Well I have been, working out almost everyday. I try to rest 1 day a week. Hopefully in a few months I will have only one chin not 2. Any got any good recipes and or snack or workout ideas, please share them. I would greatly appreciate it!

Been Away

Ok so I've been away for a while and well nothing much has really changed. I may stop blogging all together. who reads this anyway.

Here's a question.

Where is the strangest place you've ever had sex?

Only in El Chuco

Investigation into plane mechanic's death continuesTammy Fonce-OlivasEl Paso TimesTuesday, January 17, 2006Federal aviation experts and local police today will continue to investigate how an airplane mechanic was sucked into a plane's jet engine and killed Monday in what officials said is a rare occurrence that stunned passengers and employees at El Paso International Airport.The mechanic, whose name was withheld until relatives could be notified, had been working on the plane about 9 a.m. when he was suddenly pulled into the jet engine of a Continental Airlines Boeing 737 bound for Houston."It was a Boeing 737 and it was doing an engine run up for a maintenance problem and a person was sucked into the engine," said Roland Herwig, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration in Oklahoma City.Herwig referred further inquiries to the office of the National Transportation Safety Board in Denver. Officials would not say what kind of maintenance was being performed on the plane.NTSB officials in Denver and Washington, D.C., did not respond, but local airport officials said the federal agency is investigating the death and is sending a team to El Paso.


Martin DeLeon, a Continental Airlines spokesman from Houston who flew to El Paso after learning about the fatality, said the victim worked for one of Continental's suppliers. DeLeon said he did not know the names of the victim or the supplier company.Continental Airlines Chairman and CEO Larry Kellner issued the following statement after learning of the death:"My fellow co-workers and I extend our heartfelt sympathies to the family and friends of the mechanic involved in this tragic event. Continental is coordinating assistance for passengers who need help dealing with this tragedy. Continental's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) team is also flying to El Paso to meet with employees."DeLeon said he did not know if other Continental flights were delayed because of the incident. He also said it was unknown Monday if the airline will alter its safety procedures."Right now, it's still kind of too early to tell since this incident occurred just a few hours ago," DeLeon said. "Our main focus right now is just working with the families (of the victim and passengers) and of course working with local and federal authorities on the investigation."DeLeon said the airline brought a special team to El Paso to help people cope with the incident, find flights and offer whatever services were needed.The plane, which carried 114 passengers and five crew members, was at the gate boarding passengers when the incident occurred.Many of the passengers, who gathered at the Continental Airlines counter after they deplaned, declined to comment because they were overwhelmed by what had just occurred. Many of the passengers were interested in finding out what happened, where their luggage was and how they could book another flight.El Pasoan Patsy Yturralde, who was going to Houston, said she and other passengers were told to leave the plane because "somebody got hurt."She said she didn't see the incident, but quickly caught on to what had happened."It's a sad situation. I feel bad for his family," she said.El Pasoan Carlos Saucedo, who was headed to Atlanta through Houston, said he heard some kind of thump after he boarded the airplane. He said he didn't know what it was."It made the plane shake a bit," he said.Almost immediately after that occurred, passengers were asked to deplane, he said.Pat Abeln, director of aviation for the airport, said airport employees were saddened by the death. There was "a very small number of employees" who witnessed what happened. These employees are being offered support through the airport's employees assistance program, he said."It's had a tough impact on our employees," Abeln said. "In terms of operations and in terms of overall air safety our operations have been fine."Abeln said incidents leading to injuries or deaths of airport employees are "pretty uncommon" at the El Paso airport and at airports worldwide.Abeln couldn't immediately say how many injuries have been reported at the airport this year or in recent years. But he did say Monday's fatality may possibly be the first of its kind at the airport."I cannot recall another incident like this," said Abeln, who has been at the helm of the airport since 1999.Airport employees working Monday could be seen and heard talking about the fatality among themselves, but they declined to make comments when asked.

Had a great birthday

My wife is wonderful, eventhough she was still hurting from surgery she took me out to a great dinner and bought me some tunes for my ipod and other things I wanted. Thanks Hunny!

My cousin took this. Pretty cool huh.

Hot under the collar!

It 80 degrees......IN JANUARY. Now yes we do have mild winters here in Texas but C'mon. Is this the coming of the new Ice Age that the scientist predicted? Is this the end of the world? Or is God messing around with the thermostat ?

HOOK 'EM HORNS!

WHAT A BITCHEN' GAME!

CONGRATULATIONS LONGHORNS!!

NEW YEAR!!

Well with the new year comes the new years resolution of course. How many of you have broken them already? I know I have been tempted but I have not broken it yet. I have decided that I have to quit smoking, so I told my wife that for the next few weeks I may be a little irritable. SO FUCKING BACK OFF. Whew sorry didn't mean to do that. Also I am going to loose weight, SO DON'T CALL ME FAT BASTARD ANYMORE. Excuse me I am going to get some water, IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU!

oh poo

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"The old man replied, "It's fart football!"A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"Not to be outdone the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!"Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"The old man replied, "Half-time, switch sides!"

Guessing time

Let's see if anybody can guess as to what this is.

Back From Mom's House

Well we are back from mom's house and as I get older I am appreciating going home more. Especially since I lost some of my family members. Here is a pic of my journey, above is a church in Messilla New Mexico. Perrrty HUH.

The only problem this year was that it was 80 degrees. Now I didn't want a blizzard or anything, but C'mon 80 degrees?

Casa De Fong

Ok so we didn't do much this year. to tell the truth I didn't want to climb the ladder to get the lights on the roof. Next year I will do a better job.

Snowman Funeral

Winter Wonderland

Perrty Huh my Cousin took this pic

UH OK!!

Hey Dick!

Last night as I was doing some Christmas shopping I noticed something. It happens every year. In almost every store. I was being tailed by the house dick! Now I know I am a big stocky Hispanic looking Chinese guy (don't ask) but come on! And maybe these stores should hire people who are not dumb asses. Pretend you are looking at women's clothes for you wife. Hell I was there shopping for my wife. And here is a tip, stay more than 20 feet away from me at all times and quit making eye contact! Wait, maybe he was looking for a nice guy for a date.

Ok now we start all over

Since I jacked up my blog I will have to start anew. So have some patients while I work on this.

this is jacked

I don't know how my blog got all jacked up. S I may just blow this up and start a new one. Details to come.

this is jacked

I don't know how my blog got all jacked up. S I may just blow this up and start a new one. Deatails to come.