I think I'll just be me

Since my divorce was finalized in March, I've heard the same thing from several people: that I'm "too nice." The advice I keep getting is that I need to be more assertive, more "manly." I’m told to stop being the "nice guy," take control, and become more dominant. Apparently, in today's society, I’m considered what’s known as a "beta male."

But what does being a "beta male" even mean? According to the definition, a beta male is often seen as someone who's easygoing, patient, caring, and sensitive. Beta males might not be the loudest voice in the room or the first to take charge, but they’re often considered kind, thoughtful, and supportive—qualities that I value and embody.

On the other hand, people suggest I should adopt the traits of an "alpha male," someone who is dominant, assertive, and takes charge in relationships. An alpha male is confident, a natural leader who makes decisions decisively and is seen as the primary authority in the relationship. They’re expected to take control, exude confidence, and sometimes even dominate conversations and situations.

Here’s the thing—aren’t women supposed to want a beta male? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told by society to be polite, to be a gentleman, to share my feelings, to show that I care. I was taught to avoid raising my voice, never to be physically aggressive, and to be in touch with my emotions. I was told that these are the qualities women want in a partner.

But now, I’m being told that my natural tendencies—being caring, patient, and kind—are somehow wrong or insufficient. I’ve held back many times, biting my tongue instead of standing firm in my convictions. And when I do try to assert myself, I’m told I’m being harsh or mean, or that I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. That feedback makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m not being sensitive enough to the other person’s feelings.

So, I’m left wondering—how can I be an alpha male when deep down, I know that it’s not who I am? Why am I expected to act in a way that feels inauthentic to me? I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not just to fit some societal expectation of what a man should be.

I just don’t understand why I can’t be myself. Why is it a problem to be loving, caring, calm, and collected? How are those traits a bad thing? If someone doesn’t like me for who I am, why even be in my life?

To be honest, I think the issue might be that women—at least some of them—are unsure of what they truly want. Maybe they need to figure that out before expecting men to change into something they’re not. After all, we should all strive to be authentic, not to mold ourselves into an ideal that doesn’t fit.

 

What happened to love?

It's a serious question. What happened to being with someone because you love them?  When did we put terms with who we could love? It used to be that if that person made you happy, that's all that mattered.  It didn't make a difference what you looked like, or where you lived, or how much money you made. All that mattered is that your person was all you needed, just them, the way they were. The real person, not some made up fictional character. Things have become so twisted today; everyone has a list of what the person must have to qualify for their love. Money in the bank, the big house, the expensive car, being able to cook, clean, and raise children.  When you really sit there and think about it none of that shit really matters. Sure, they can make life a little easier or leisure time more enjoyable, but do those things really matter? Or does the way your person holds you, kisses you, and makes you feel whole matter more? When you get married it basically spells it out for you. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. People who can find that true love are the richest people in the world. Because nothing else matters.

We need to get back to true love and not make a mockery of it. From time to time, you will argue and be mad at each other, but those are only small moments in a vast lifetime. When you find that person you will know, and it’s a feeling you will never want to let go of.