A Heartfelt Thanksgiving Reflection

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and though I had intended to share this post a few days ago, life got in the way, and here I am just now getting around to it. I’m realizing more and more that I need to make a habit of posting regularly again.

Instead of reflecting on the past or focusing on the challenges that have come with the divorce, I’ve decided to take a different approach this year. I want to take a moment to acknowledge the things I’m truly thankful for, so here’s a short list of what’s been on my mind:

1. My Children
My kids are the light of my life. They give me a reason to get up every single day, and they bring me joy and pride in ways I never imagined possible. I am so incredibly grateful for them.

2. My Home
Having a roof over my head is something I don’t take for granted. I’ve experienced homelessness, and the feeling of having a safe and stable home is something I cherish deeply. Every night I’m thankful for the place I can call my own.

3. My Friends and Family
Although I’ve lost a lot of friends over the past few years, I’m thankful for the few I still have who I know I can rely on. And even though my family and I don’t always see eye to eye, I know they’ve always got my back when it matters most.

4. My Job
While my job may not be the career I once dreamed of, I’m incredibly thankful to work for a company that genuinely prioritizes family. It provides for my needs, puts food on the table, and helps me support my family.

I know this list might seem a bit short, and I’m sure there are many more things I could add, but these are the things that are weighing heavily on my heart right now. In a world full of chaos and uncertainty, I am grateful for these constants in my life.

I think I'll just be me

Since my divorce was finalized in March, I've heard the same thing from several people: that I'm "too nice." The advice I keep getting is that I need to be more assertive, more "manly." I’m told to stop being the "nice guy," take control, and become more dominant. Apparently, in today's society, I’m considered what’s known as a "beta male."

But what does being a "beta male" even mean? According to the definition, a beta male is often seen as someone who's easygoing, patient, caring, and sensitive. Beta males might not be the loudest voice in the room or the first to take charge, but they’re often considered kind, thoughtful, and supportive—qualities that I value and embody.

On the other hand, people suggest I should adopt the traits of an "alpha male," someone who is dominant, assertive, and takes charge in relationships. An alpha male is confident, a natural leader who makes decisions decisively and is seen as the primary authority in the relationship. They’re expected to take control, exude confidence, and sometimes even dominate conversations and situations.

Here’s the thing—aren’t women supposed to want a beta male? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told by society to be polite, to be a gentleman, to share my feelings, to show that I care. I was taught to avoid raising my voice, never to be physically aggressive, and to be in touch with my emotions. I was told that these are the qualities women want in a partner.

But now, I’m being told that my natural tendencies—being caring, patient, and kind—are somehow wrong or insufficient. I’ve held back many times, biting my tongue instead of standing firm in my convictions. And when I do try to assert myself, I’m told I’m being harsh or mean, or that I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. That feedback makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m not being sensitive enough to the other person’s feelings.

So, I’m left wondering—how can I be an alpha male when deep down, I know that it’s not who I am? Why am I expected to act in a way that feels inauthentic to me? I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not just to fit some societal expectation of what a man should be.

I just don’t understand why I can’t be myself. Why is it a problem to be loving, caring, calm, and collected? How are those traits a bad thing? If someone doesn’t like me for who I am, why even be in my life?

To be honest, I think the issue might be that women—at least some of them—are unsure of what they truly want. Maybe they need to figure that out before expecting men to change into something they’re not. After all, we should all strive to be authentic, not to mold ourselves into an ideal that doesn’t fit.

 

What happened to love?

It's a serious question. What happened to being with someone because you love them?  When did we put terms with who we could love? It used to be that if that person made you happy, that's all that mattered.  It didn't make a difference what you looked like, or where you lived, or how much money you made. All that mattered is that your person was all you needed, just them, the way they were. The real person, not some made up fictional character. Things have become so twisted today; everyone has a list of what the person must have to qualify for their love. Money in the bank, the big house, the expensive car, being able to cook, clean, and raise children.  When you really sit there and think about it none of that shit really matters. Sure, they can make life a little easier or leisure time more enjoyable, but do those things really matter? Or does the way your person holds you, kisses you, and makes you feel whole matter more? When you get married it basically spells it out for you. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. People who can find that true love are the richest people in the world. Because nothing else matters.

We need to get back to true love and not make a mockery of it. From time to time, you will argue and be mad at each other, but those are only small moments in a vast lifetime. When you find that person you will know, and it’s a feeling you will never want to let go of.

Just keep trying, I guess

 I just want to give up sometimes.  I mean why do I keep trying?  Every time I think I get ahead, I get knocked down again.  Why Do I always ask how others are doing yet no one will ask me? I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you!

Well....

 Do you ever just feel defeated?  Like you have tried everything, done all the right things and yet, still feel beat down?  Why do we keep trying? What do we have to prove?  Well tomorrow is another day, I will just have get up and keep trying to make it.

Really?

It amazes me how people will say hurtful things, but they want to have good intentions behind them.  All they do is deepen the wound and make it hurt more. So what if you're not perfect. Are they?

Sometime I wonder if I made the right decisions in my life.  Most people I know are happy and glad that they are doing what they are doing.  I find myself pondering a lot of questions.  I wonder if I will ever get to experience any of that?