Fear

Have you ever feared something? I mean really feared something? Have you ever shut your eyes and literally broke down at just the thought of having to do something that you didn't want to do? Or how about this. Ever fear to do something that you've done thousands of time before with no problem? For some dumb ass reason thats the way I feel about flying at the moment. Now if you know me you know that I am a world traveler. I have been to the other side of the world and back with no problem, but last year something happened that really shook me up. I, for unknown reasons at the time, almost "lost it" on the plane. Hell it started before I got to the airport. Now when I say "lost it" I don't mean going whack o and taking a weapon on board or anything like that, I mean I was scared to get on the plane for fear of becoming ill.

My pulse was pounding, my blood pressure was up, my breathing was erratic. In fact for a split second I considered going back to the rental car place picking up a car and driving the 12 hrs back to town. It actually crossed my mind! Not taking a 2 hour flight and instead losing the money on the ticket and rent a car at additional cost and driving 12 hours to get back home. It was insane! Why? I have been on a plane hundreds of times before, Since I was 7 I believe. In some of the worst weather imaginable too.

I clinched my teeth found a seat and DUG my nails into my thigh. I was surprised that it wasn't bleeding when I got off. All through out I kept praying and knowing that God would protect me and not let anything happen to me, but it still shook me up. So much so that I have not been on a plane since. Now that was almost 1 year ago and I have been diagnosed with some medical issues that may have explained what happened. The medication that put on is supposed to help control it but the fear is still there. And if you me you know that I love to take chances and pain and death don't bother me but for some reason getting back on a plane does. Now I know if you fall off the horse you have to get back on, but then again when you fall from a horse it's not from 30,000 feet.