I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes

Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes

Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

Newsreels before the movie

P.F. Fliers

Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4601), and Party lines


Peashooters

Howdy Dowdy

Hi-Fi's
45 RPM records

78 RPM records!

Green Stamps


Metal ice cubes trays with levers

Mimeograph paper

Beanie and Cecil

Roller-skate keys

Cork pop guns

Drive ins

Studebakers


Washtub wringers

The Fuller Brush Man

Reel-To-Reel tape recorders

Tinkertoys

Erector Sets

The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs

15 cent McDonald hamburgers

5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum

Penny candy

25 cent a gallon gasoline

Jiffy Pop popcorn


Do you remember a time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?


Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?


It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

"Oly! -oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

Born Losers - Matthew Good

HIT PLAY ON THE PLAYER TO THE RIGHT.


Well there ain't nothin' to this but your daughter
And the life you would not give her Break your plans
Traipsed across the continent, a squatter
For your lies at night to sleep between my hands

When the lights come on this whole place gets ugly
But when they're out, strangers fall in love
She could never say that flat out she don't want me
'Cause I could never say that halfway ain't enough

New Order's on the turntable, we're dancing
'Cause what else do you do when you don't talk
Crucified then crawled into your mansion
Yeah, that's why I learned to crawl before I walk

We're back where we belong
Straight back where we belong
No days for nights [??]
No cocaine calls
Just back where we belong

Take me out back to your promise
And beat me until I can't even stand Your whole life, a plane without no landing gear
So if this is it, then come on let me land
That trailer trash pedigree is callin'
It rides you out when you're down on all fours
Me I like to cast my death on yesterday
'Cause what doesn't kill us now Just makes us better whores

We're back where we belong
Straight back where we belong
No days for nights [??]
No cocaine calls
Just back where we belong

Go put it in the ground
Go bury it somewhere it can't be found
Go put it in the ground

Well there ain't nothin' to this but your daughter
And the life you would not give her, break your plans
Traipsed across the continent, a squatter
For your lies at night to sleep between my hands

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the
entertainment industry for trying to help poor people in the world.

At a recent U2 concert in , he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in
the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every
time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced
the quiet....

'Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil basturd!'

WTF?

"Dead" man wakes up under autopsy knife
Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:53am EDT



CARACAS (Reuters) - A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.
Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.
"I woke up because the pain was unbearable," Camejo said, according to a report on Friday in leading local newspaper El Universal.
His grieving wife turned up at the morgue to identify her husband's body only to find him moved into a corridor -- and alive.
Reuters could not immediately reach hospital officials to confirm the events. But Camejo showed the newspaper his facial scar and a document ordering the autopsy.

Woman hopes China trip can make her well

By Ramón Rentería / El Paso Times
Article Launched: 08/29/2007 12:00:00 AM MDT

Diana Morales uses her CB radio to advertise her homemade burritos and tamales to truckers in the area while parked in an empty lot next to the Flying J Truck Stop in Anthony. Morales is trying to raise about $25,000 to travel to China for an experimental stem-cell transplant.
(Mark Lambie / El Paso Times)

Diana Morales has found a possible "repair kit" for her damaged body.
Morales, 35, is trying to raise $25,000 so that she can travel to China for an experimental transplant of umbilical-cord-blood stem cells.
She is optimistic the surgical procedure, available in the United States only in clinical research, will regenerate nerves in her spinal cord and help her regain feeling and movement in her paralyzed legs.
Morales is hopeful, too, that stem-cell treatments may someday help restore the ability to walk that she lost six years ago when a drunken driver pinned her against her lunch wagon near an Anthony, Texas, truck stop.
"I have faith something positive is going to come out of this," Morales said. "If God wants me to be in a wheelchair the rest of my life, ni modo. I have to accept whatever comes."
Some scientists and doctors consider stem cells one of the world's hottest research areas.
Stem-cell research is also very controversial because of its ethical implications. President Bush in 2006 vetoed a Senate bill that would have permitted federal dollars to be spent on embryonic stem-cell research using embryos left over from in vitro fertilization procedures.
Morales does not expect a miracle, but she has read the encouraging testimonials of others who have found relief in stem-cell therapies. She chose to pursue umbilical-cord-blood stem-cell treatments because of her Christian beliefs. One of her doctors suggested stem cells might be an option worth exploring.
Doctors have discovered in recent years that umbilical cord blood, usually discarded at birth, is rich in stem cells -- the body's building blocks -- that can be used to treat a variety of diseases.
The accident put Morales in a coma for two weeks and in the hospital for six months, paralyzed from the waist down.
Truck drivers along Interstate 10 truck call her the burrito lady and seek out her homemade burritos and tamales as an alternative to routine truck-stop chow.
Dave Hill, a Missouri truck driver, has known about Morales since she was selling burritos out of her car years ago. "The guys on the road talk about her all the time," Hill said. "She's an inspiration. I've got kids that won't even get out of bed. This woman told me one time that she's out here because it's better than being on welfare."
The Anthony, N.M., mother of three has been selling flautas, sponsoring dances and asking merchants for donations to cover the trip, the procedure and a monthlong rehabilitation. So far, she has raised $15,000.
According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, no type of stem-cell treatment is licensed in the United States.
Stem cells can be found throughout the body in tissues and organs and in umbilical-cord blood. The National Institutes of Health maintains updated information about federally and privately supported clinical stem-cell research in human volunteers.
The China trip represents another challenge in a string of struggles for Morales, who had just graduated from New Mexico State University with a degree in government and was looking forward to entering the job market when the accident changed everything.
Even her marriage ended after the accident, but Morales eventually regained custody of her children: Delilah, 13, Louie, 11, and Sabrina, 9.
Morales still has trouble adjusting to offensive stares. Every time she applies for a job, she says, prospective employers never call back once they find out she is disabled.
Friends and relatives describe Morales as a high-spirited wo man, always laughing and telling jokes and always looking after her children and a set of aging parents. She most misses dancing cumbias and corridos.
Brenda Velazquez, 24, a cousin, says Morales has remained very independent.
"She's never given up," Velazquez said. "She's a great role model."
Morales still parks her lunch wagon on an empty lot not far from the accident site and solicits truckers' business on a CB radio.
Rita Valenzuela, 44, works for Morales in the mobile kitchen.
"I admire the strength she has to try to get ahead," Valenzuela said. "Sometimes she is out here until midnight."
The burrito lady keeps on being optimistic, keeps praying that she'll collect enough money for a journey offering hope halfway around the world.
"I've gone through the worst already," Morales said. "What else can I lose?"

Ramón Rentería may be reached at rrenteria@elpasotimes.com; 546-6146.

To help
Diana Morales plans a fundraising flauta plate sale from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sept. 7-8 at St. Anthony's Catholic Church, 224 Lincoln, in Anthony, N.M. $5 a plate.
Donations also may be made to: Diana Morales, P.O. Box 726, Anthony, NM 88021.
Information: 875-6066.

Michael Vick's Jury

And I thought my name was bad!

just a tad bit confusing

Pussy of Death!

Oscar the Cat Predicts Patients' Deaths
PROVIDENCE, R.I. July 26, 2007, 10:23 a.m. ET · Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
"He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die," said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.
"Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one," said Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Brown University.
The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.
After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.
Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," he said.
Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University, who treats patients at the nursing home and is an expert on care for the terminally ill
She was convinced of Oscar's talent when he made his 13th correct call. While observing one patient, Teno said she noticed the woman wasn't eating, was breathing with difficulty and that her legs had a bluish tinge, signs that often mean death is near.
Oscar wouldn't stay inside the room though, so Teno thought his streak was broken. Instead, it turned out the doctor's prediction was roughly 10 hours too early. Sure enough, during the patient's final two hours, nurses told Teno that Oscar joined the woman at her bedside.
Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don't know he's there, so patients aren't aware he's a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.
No one's certain if Oscar's behavior is scientifically significant or points to a cause. Teno wonders if the cat notices telltale scents or reads something into the behavior of the nurses who raised him.
Nicholas Dodman, who directs an animal behavioral clinic at the Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine and has read Dosa's article, said the only way to know is to carefully document how Oscar divides his time between the living and dying.
If Oscar really is a furry grim reaper, it's also possible his behavior could be driven by self-centered pleasures like a heated blanket placed on a dying person, Dodman said.
Nursing home staffers aren't concerned with explaining Oscar, so long as he gives families a better chance at saying goodbye to the dying.
Oscar recently received a wall plaque publicly commending his "compassionate hospice care."

Things that make you go HMMM.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy
facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a
chuckle.

In other words, send it to everyone!
(And God love that pig!)

UMMM Tasty

BERLIN (Reuters) - A mayor in eastern Germany has filed charges against workers at his local zoo for shooting animals and selling them as meat.
A spokeswoman for the mayor's office said deer were among the animals killed and sold by workers at Erfurt Zoo without permission over a number of years.
"The case is now with the state prosecutors," said the spokeswoman, declining to give further details.
The German Animal Protection League demanded a review of controls at the zoo and at all other institutions with animals in the state of Thuringia.
"We are worried this is only the tip of the iceberg," said Wolfgang Apel, president of the League, who also said the case raised serious questions about the zoo's management.
Die Zeit newspaper quoted an anonymous zoo employee as saying the number of animals had been declining and: "It is high time something is done about it."
Erfurt Zoo, home to lions, elephants and giraffes as well as horses, donkeys, sheep and goats, declined to comment.
Animal rights campaigners and federal authorities have previously complained about the zoo's imports of wild elephants from South Africa.

Sleepy Sailor

By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was
taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy,"
admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms
have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"

"Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the
sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the
cheek, and said, 'Goodnight beautiful,'...And he sat up all night
watching me."

The forecast for the 4th of July......Bitches

Now c'mon you know you have to smoke one!

This brand is for the ladies!

All I can say is....

Well I feel a bit saucey. A bit how shall we say.....


BORED OUTTA MY SKULL!!!

Seriously!

Ok anybody here have any medical problems? Huh? Seems like I have them all this year and it's REALLY pissing me off! Crap now I know why my parents used to say "Wait till you get older!"

Damn it!

I felt better when I drank and smoked!!

UH Hello

Test 123.

Uh right about now I am feeling very nostalgic.

So we will ROCK with ZZ TOP!

Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65

NO GAS...On May 15th 2007

Don't pump gas on may 15th. In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.


On May 15th 2007, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in
protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most
places.


There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet
network, and the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.


If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take
$2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companys pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

Uh ok

Now I know I have not been here in bit so bear with me. Have farted and thought you crapped your pants? You have like an hours drive home and the whole way you think you've crapped your jeans only to realize that you hadn't. hmm strange.

OH NOOOO!!

Woo Hoo Son!

I wish my Cock was that BIG!

I iz a College Stoodent

I'm Still Around

Still here. Anybody out there?

Place an X by the ones you have done

(x) Smoked a cigarette
( x ) Drank so much you threw up
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ...
( ) Been arrested
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( x ) Seen someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( x ) Been to Florida
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( x ) Been lost
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( x ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( x ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) Laughed until liquid came out of the other end
( x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
( ) Danced in the rain
( x ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( x ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a party
( x ) Gone roller-skating
( ) Ice-skating
1. Any nicknames? Papi Chulo
2. Mother's name? Esther
3. What is your favorite drink? coke
4. Tattoos? nope
5. Body piercing? none
6. How much do you love your job? It pays the bills
7. Birthplace: El PAso
8. Favorite vacation spot? LA
9. Ever been to Africa ? Nope
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yep
11. Ever been on TV ? Yes
12. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yes
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. Was it your fault? No
15. 4 Doors ? N/A
16. Salad dressing? Ranch
17. Favorite Pie? Cherry
18. Favorite number? 13
19. Favorite Movie? Star Wars
20. Favorite Holiday ? XXXmas
21. Favorite alcoholic drink? Brandy
22. Favorite Food? Chinese
23. Favorite day of the week? Payday
24. Favorite brand of body soap? Soap?
25. Favorite TV show? The Simpsons
26. Favorite toothpaste? No Teeth
27. What do you do to relax? ha ha you know
28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? 10 years older
29. What do you do when you are bored? ha ha you know
30. Furthest place you will send this message? New York
31. Who will respond the fastest? ?
32. Who is least likely to respond? jojo

Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn &remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!



1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.


4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AINT REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!


12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.


15. Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M or Texas Tech.
They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.


16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.


17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States,
but the United States can't make it without Texas."

GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!

You Are Superman

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. And pretty cute too. No wonder you're the most popular superhero ever!

What Superhero Are You?

You can buy and Xbox, Tv, Dvd's and other electronic gizmos but nothing beats a good ole' fashioned ballon.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE. It should be psych, but who’s counting?

2. You watched the Pound Puppies. Uh no. I ran over pound puppies on my bmx

3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton.(SO???)

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy. (I loved biker shorts on chicks oh man that rocked!!)

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. (I wanted to nail the baby sitter club)

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. (Holy shit chicks remember this kinda crap...)

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom (blossom was cute but her chick friend was hotter!!)

8. Two words: Hammer Pants ( two words Christina Applegate)

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock" (The dozers were oppressed slaves!!!!)

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect. ( holy crap this must be a “white thang” we had mis matched handle bars and no brakes)

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (this person lived a sheltered life!)

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. (now that I agree with)

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. (that and biker shorts were hot boner city.....)

14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names. (I THOUGHT THEY WERE GAY)

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
(WE HAD NO COMPUTERS WE WUZ PO.....)

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. ( AND I TRIED TO LOOK UP IT)

17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) (GAY)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. ( YOU PEOPLE HAD MONEY)

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more? (YES PUKE)

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.) (JESUS SHOOT ME NOW)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books. (READ?)

22. You know the profound meaning of " WAX ON , WAX OFF" (AHH MASTERBATION)

23. You wanted to be a Goonie. (CHUNK ROCKED THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE AND THAT CHEERLEADER WAS CUT AS HELL!)

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (SLUTS WORE THAT SHIT)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. ( HE WAS BLACK THE RIGHT)

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. (A BLUE GANG BANG IN FULL EFFECT. I THINK THEY WERE A CULT)

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard. (NO WE HAD STATE SPONSERED LUNCH AND SHOP LIFTED THE GARBAGE PALE KIDS)

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. (OH GOD I HATED THOSE THANGS)

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. (NUH UH)
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band. (TRY METALLICA SLAYER AND SEPULTURA

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
I have the power! ( HE MAN WAS GAY)

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. (IF I OFFED ANY OF MY FRIEBDS A BRACELETS I WOULD GET MY ASS KICKED!)

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (GOD CHICKS WORE DUMBASS CRAP)

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?" PEE WEE ROCKED THE WANGER AT AN ADULT THEATER)

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up" (HA HA DUMB OLD BITCH)

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. (SKATING RINK?)

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. (WE COULDN’T AFFORD ONE SO WE USED HEFTY TRASH BAGS)
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.(WHAT THE HELL IS A SKIP IT?)

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds. (NOPE WE HAD THEM AT THE PARK CUZ ITZ FREE)

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement. (BITE ME)

42. You remember Popples. ( I REMEMBER POPPERS)

43. Don't worry, be happy (BE HAPPY YOU HAD FOOD AND A BED FOR THE NIGHT!)

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks. (WE SHARED SOX THANKS FOR THAT CHILDHOOD MEMORY)

45. You wore socks scrunched down ( AAAAARGH)

46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. ( OH GHETTO FABULOS)

47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies. (PHOBE CATES WAS HOT...)

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales ( NO I REALLY DON’T)

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. (OH HELL YEAH SAM RULED MY WET DREAMS)

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. ( I KILL ME)

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...(MEGA GAY)

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class. ( I REMEMBER SHOWGIRLS)

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. (NOPE BUT MY SISTER DOES)
55. You just sang those words to yourself. (GET A LIFE!!!)

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better) ( I AGREE WITH THIS ONE FOR CHICKS)

58. You remember when mullets were cool! Or the rat tail! those were really cool! (HEY HEY)
59. You had a mullet! (BET YOUR ASS I DID, I ROCKED THE MULLET)

60. You still sing "We are the World" (NO!!)

61. You tight rolled your jeans. (NEVER)

62. You owned a bannana clip.(I USED TO WRAPE THE WANG IN IT!!!!!!!)

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?" (I GOT THE BEEF)

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it. ( I LOVED CHICKS WITH BIG HAIR, I STILL THINK THAT’S SEXY)

66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you! (OH HELL NO, NEVER EVER!)

Based on my childhood friends life!

Whew!

Ok we dodged this one, I hope. Stranger things have happened but I think it's safe to say that Ernesto is going to Disney.

I have an itch and I will now scratch!

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

If this storm is to turn into anything, some pretty big changes will have to occur, and fast. Quick movement of the storm will bring it into a zone of wind shear (winds that oppose its circulation) this weekend. If that happens, the game is over, and all residents along the Gulf Coast will breathe a sigh of relief. On the other hand, if the storm slows its forward speed, the upper-level low and related wind shear in front of it will have time to back westward and stay out of the way. This would provide an environment suitable for a maturing hurricane. The high to the north is significant for two reasons. First, it will establish upper air venting which is a requirement for tropical development. The outflow in the highest levels of the storm will pull everything together at lower levels, something like a monster vacuum cleaner. Second, as the high shifts east it will open a path for the storm toward the Gulf Coast.

Story by AccuWeather.com Expert Senior Meteorologist John Kocet.

ERRR!?

uhhh OOOO

WELL I FEEL LIKE A TREE. COME FEEL MY BRANCHES!

You Were an Eagle

You are able to rise above the details of life and see the big picture. A spiritual being, you tend to go beyond material concerns.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

You Are Bart Simpson

Very misunderstood, most people just dismiss you as "trouble." Little do they know that you're wise and well accomplished beyond your years. You will be remembered for: starring in your own TV show and saving the town from a comet Your life philosophy: "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

The Simpsons Personality Test

Gas Saving

WITH FUEL COST ON THE RISE AMERICANS ARE LOOKING TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO HELP WITH ALTERNATIVE FUEL DEVELOPMENT.

Can we keep the cute Kittens?! Can We Huh?!

NOW THIS IS SAD

HERE I AM BUYING SOME TUNES FROM ITUNES AND I REALIZED THAT I AM BUYING MUSIC FROM MY TEENAGE YEARS. ONLY ONE NEW TUNE FROM MY OLD SCHOOL CHUMS BAND SPARTA. HOLY CRAP AM I FINALLY BECOMING MY FATHER? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, I NEED BEER, YAGER, AND TEQUILA NOW!!!
OH WAIT I AM GETTING A PROSTATE EXAM TOMORROW. NEVERMIND NO BOOZE FOR 24 HRS.

The River of Life

Some say the river of life is golden. I say I just peed in there and think I have some sort of infection or something. HA HA. I NEED SOME CREAM!! OH THE BURNING!

Today Sucked

My workout blew dead goats today. I just wasn't into it, plus my head was starting to hurt. I pushed through it anyway. I saw a documentary earlier in the week about a guy that weighed over 700lbs. Sadly he died in a hospital bed not able to move because of his weight. I don't want to end up like that so I pushed myself today. I sometimes just want to say f*ck it and go eat a large pizza, but I know I can't. Not till I loose another 50 lbs anyway.

Ok I think I'm BAck

Well I have not posted in awhile, just got busy with life. Since my last posting I weight 278lbs. Well I finally realized that I needed to lose weight. So I got a nutritionist and I began exercising. I now weigh 257lbs and counting. So I will try and start posing again as soon as possible. Peace Out .

SOME COOL PICS I TOOK

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Nemesis
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Global Personality Test Results

Stability (80%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.. Orderliness (73%) high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (40%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

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Ok update

Well I started this weight loss thang and i was doing really well until we had a death in the family. As always I let that interfere with my diet and workouts. I am the kinda guy that likes to have a schedule and when the schedule is interupted I give up. Now I have not given up totally yet but another event really screwed me up. After the funeral and all the family had gottn on thier planes ans returned home my wife any stopped by wendys on the way home. I got a cheesburger, now this was my cheat burger for the week, and we went home. That night I woke up at 3 and had a let's say an episode. Well went back to bed and woke up at 5 to go work out. After being up for about ten minutes it started. Evacuations of both ends! It lasted all damn day!

ARGG when will I get a break?

It's been a while

Ok I have been away for a little bit but I hope to get back to posting daily.

D'OH

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish .But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

You Are 76% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out! Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand. You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting. You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

LENT

Today marks the beginning of lent. The time of year when we as Catholics give up something until Easter. In the past I have given up candy, gum, certain foods and other things. This year I didn't give up anything. My wife is giving up soda, some of my friends are giving up coffee especially from starbucks. Time and time again people asked me what I was giving up. Well I answered I already gave it up. I gave up smoking on new years eve. I have been smoke free ever since. Now do you think I should still give something up? Ya know quitting smoking with no help like the patch or nicotine gum was a bitch trust me.

EARTH!


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Ha HA!

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got
the airbag!"

Joke 2
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"

CHINESE SICK LEAVE -- "I NOT COME WORK TODAY!

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come to work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.

BACK TO IT

Ok so I have been sick for awhile and I seem to be over it. The doc said it's ok to resume my workouts even though I an still on antibiotics. So tonight I plan to start working out again.

Then again I may sit home eat Cheetos and watch porn!

HA HAAA!

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a beer or two. So he asked the pet, "Would you like to go to Sam's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Sam's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."