Christmas time in Texas

This time of year is busy for me which is why I have not posted for awhile. But I will try and do better. Christmas lights like these make me love this time of year. To see some great decorated house check out this site. http://www.planetchristmas.com/

Tough Times

With work being scarce on Sesame Street the neighborhood had to resort on having one of their own for Thanksgiving. It was a big wishbone too!

Guilty of sex with student, teacher avoids prison

Attorney abandons insanity defense in plea deal for 'tired' client
(CNN) -- In a last-minute effort to keep herself out of prison, a 25-year-old middle school teacher pleaded guilty Tuesday to having sex with a 14-year-old. Debra Lafave, a former remedial reading teacher at Greco Middle School in Temple Terrace, Florida, pleaded guilty to two counts of lewd and lascivious behavior, and was sentenced to three years of house arrest followed by seven years probation. She also must register as a sex offender.
She could have faced up to 15 years for each count filed in Hillsborough County. She also could have been charged in Marion County, because one of the incidents happened there.
"I want to apologize to the court, to the young man involved and to his family for my actions," Lafave said. "I accept full responsibility for my actions, and I am very sorry for everything which has occurred."
A 14-year-old boy told investigators he had sex with Lafave three times in four days in June 2004, according to court documents. One of those times was in a car while his 15-year-old cousin drove them around, he told authorities.
He also said she performed oral sex on him multiple times, including once at her home, the documents said.
Defense attorney John Fitzgibbons said he began negotiating the plea deal Monday after he deposed the boy's cousin.
"We believe that this was a very fair resolution of this case," Fitzgibbons said, adding that Lafave avoided prison time with the plea and will be allowed to continue her mental health treatment.
"Very importantly, it allows the young man involved here to go on with his life, just as Debbie can go on with her life," he said. "He does not have to participate in a trial or deposition."
Fitzgibbons had originally planned an insanity defense, saying earlier this year that Lafave had "some profound emotional issues" and that "once anyone reads what the doctors have to say, they will understand a lot more."
Asked how she felt after the plea deal was announced, Lafave said only, "Tired."
It was a change of heart by the boy's parents that made the plea deal possible. At first, they had insisted that Lafave serve at least three years in prison, but they recently relented, allowing prosecutors to strike the deal before the trial began.
"Because of the media coverage of these cases, I fear that proceeding to trial will negatively affect my son's emotional and psychological well-being," the boy's mother said in an affidavit filed in Hillsborough County on Tuesday.
She added that her son did not want to testify and merely "wants to resume his life in as normal a manner as possible."

OK NOW HERE'S A QUESTION. THIS IS MOSTLY FOR THE GUYS. WOULD YOU BE MAD AT YOUR SON FOR HAVING SEX WITH A WOMEN THAT LOOKS LIKE THAT?

'Ugly dog' Sam dies at 14

SANTA BARBARA, California (AP) -- Sam, the dog whose ugliness earned him TV appearances, limousine rides and even a meeting with millionaire Donald Trump, has died, the Santa Barbara News-Press reported Tuesday.
The pooch with the hairless body, crooked teeth and sparse tuft of hair atop his knobby head died Friday, just short of his 15th birthday, said his owner, Susie Lockheed.
"I don't think there'll ever be another Sam," she said, adding wryly, "Some people would think that's a good thing."
Sam became an international celebrity after winning the ugliest animal contest at the 2003 Sonoma-Marin Fair in California -- a victory he twice repeated. The purebred Chinese crested hairless made appearances on TV in Japan, radio in New Zealand and in Britain's Daily Mirror tabloid, stayed in luxury hotels and met Trump on a talk show set.
Lockheed marketed his visage on T-shirts, a calendar and even a coffee "ugly mug."
At the time of his death, Sam was scheduled to be filmed for a Discovery Channel series on the world's ugliest species.
Lockheed said she was initially terrified of Sam when she agreed to take him in as a rescue six years ago on a 48-hour trial basis. Although she fell in love with him, his appearance repulsed her then-boyfriend and prompted the man to break up with her.
Later, however, Sam became a matchmaker by bringing together Lockheed and her current beau, who saw a picture of the two on an online dating site.
Lockheed said she had Sam euthanized after a veterinarian told her Sam's heart was failing.
She said she's felt a little lost ever since, and is sleeping with Sam's favorite toy -- a stuffed bear he picked up and carried home.
"I have snuggled Sam under my blankets on my bed for six years," said Lockheed, who has three other dogs named TatorTot, TinkerBell and PixieNoodle.

Excuse me while I step out for a smoke

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court Monday that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette.
Sadrine Helene Sellies, 34, was placed on a good behavior bond after pleading guilty in Brisbane Magistrates Court to endangering the safety of an aircraft.
Sellies was traveling on a Cathay Pacific flight from Hong Kong to the east coast city of Brisbane on Saturday when the incident occurred at the start of a three-week Australian vacation with her husband, the court heard.
She walked toward one of the aircraft's emergency exits with an unlit cigarette and a lighter in her hand and began tampering with the door, prosecutors said. But a flight attendant intervened and took Sellies back to her seat.
Sellies was arrested and charged by police on arrival at Brisbane airport.
Defense lawyer Helen Shilton told the court Sellies was terrified of flying and had taken sleeping tablets with alcohol before takeoff.
Shilton said Sellies has no memory of what happened on the flight and that she has a history of sleepwalking.
But Magistrate Gordon Dean sternly warned the woman: "You must understand, if you are on a plane you must behave yourself."
Sellies, who did not speak in court and was aided by a translator, was placed on a 1,000 Australian dollar (US$734; euro623) bond -- meaning she will have to pay that amount if she commits another offense in the next 12 months.

Nine Things I Hate About (Nearly) Everyone



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually (even though often do this myself.)

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Of course I do! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a movie "did you see that?" No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and try to figure out what that sticky stuff is on the carpeted floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short." What the heck? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

HAPPY GOATS!!

CHEEESE!!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY GOATS!!

Everyone knew uncle Bill was a little strange.

Dear God shoot me now!

I remember the instant when I became uncool and somewhat felt like an old man. We were at a quincinera, that a birthday celebration for a catholic girl when she reaches 15 and becomes a women. We were sitting there drinking and having fun when the DJ plays some song. All the kids screamed and jumped on to the dance floor in excitement. I looked at my wife and asked what the hell was going on, she replied with "Hell if I know". At that moment I realized that I am no longer cool and I was getting old. We all know that back in the day we would have known exactly what was happening.

That bring s me to this. Last night I was catching the last part of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Paul Anka was introduced as the musical guest, singing a new song from his new Cd "Rock Swings". He had horns, guitars and basically the whole big band feel goin on. I thought this might be cool, then I began to recognize the melody. It sounded very familiar but I just couldn't place it. Then he began to sing the lyrics. "Load up our guns, bring your friends It's fun to lose and to pretend She's overboard and self-assured I know, I know , a dirty word". Hmm I swear I have heard this before, he continued. "Hello, hello , hello how low,Hello, hello, hello,how low,Hello, hello, hello..." Oh god don't tell me, please for the sake of all that is holy don't tell me this is what I think it is. He sang "With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid, and contagious Here we are now , entertain us A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido,Yeah. Holy shit!!! It's smells like teen spirit from Nirvana! Paul Anka is covering the song that basically kicked off the grundge movement! Why oh why are they allowing him to do this. Now I am not by any means a Kurt Cobain worshiper, in fact when he died I said "whoa that kinda sucks" and went about my day. When they were comparing him to John Lennon I thought they were high, but still this is an anthem for many in my generation. I wanted to puke on my comforter. I think my stomach actually turned. Now I know some of you may say Tony Bennett did this a few years ago but let me say that he still has cool factor associated with him, this is fucking Paul Anka for Christ sakes. What the hell is cool about Paul Anka? He finished butchering the song and they to a commercial break. When they returned they thanked him and let him "play the show out" with his version of Bon Jovi's "It's my life". I wanted to throw a shoe at the screen. I say in retaliation we should take one of Paul Anka's hits and let Slayer redo it, see if they like it!

Nudie Mags for the blind!!

31 things I learned from watchin porn!

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange
man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather
insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in
the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding
ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a
wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is
to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on
a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each
other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having
sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven
shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his
girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really
excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from
her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off
before fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's
important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying
result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they
open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always
place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling
woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

31. There's nothing a woman likes more than 4 guys
slapping her face with their penises.

I went to high school with these guys!

New Rules

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years - you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you from a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain, trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two packs.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the theater a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. This one is a real stretch. The preponderant number I have seen the last several years should never have been made into a movie or
TV series.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.

New Burgers!!

With the bird flu and mad cow disease, burger chains are trying something new!!

AHhh the power of cheese

EVER FART AND HAVE IT SMELL JUST LIKE CHEETOS?

THAT'S COOL!!